The Appointment

6:00 am.... The alarm starts buzzing. I've been laying here wide awake for a few moments. I have a feeling God wakes me up these days.... I've never been a morning person. I was always one to groan and push snooze fifteen times until the last possible moment; Get dressed, throw my hair up and run out the door for work. But not lately.

No, lately my eyes shoot open as if I was never asleep in the first place. I have an appointment. An appointment that I can't be late for...

The last thing I wrote about was my anxiety. Oh man, my anxiety. A couple days after I posted that, it got the best of me. Anxiety overcame me, and I was devastated. I did feel discouraged. I did believe the lies Satan was whispering in my ear....
                        "You'll never have a day without fear."
              "He won't come through for you"
                                                     "Grace doesn't cover you, it's not that easy"
                                                                                "Do you REALLY know the truth about God?"
                                "You can't get past this, it's going to be hard for you for the rest of your life"

Here's the thing, I may not be torn down by my other struggles. But Satan knows that the one area in my life... the one thing that will make me question everything, is fear. And so fear he gives me. Because he wants me to be weak, insecure, and timid. And Fear did just that too; it made me question everything I've known. Flipping through the Bible gave me no peace. I had a filter of fear and timidity over my eyes. I had to stop everything I was trying to process and be still. Be quiet. Crying to God, asking Him for peace, (and of course not receiving it instantly like we all wish would happen) he whispered "lets work through this". And so we are... slowly. Sometimes painfully slow. But still yet moving forward. I have been reading all different books, listening to worship music (sometimes even having it playing while I'm sleeping) to fill my mind with truth about God. What have I been learning so far? God has shown me that I still don't trust Him fully... and so since I have not learned to trust him, I need to re-learn what his character is. Who he is. Who I am in HIM. He says "you know my word, but do you KNOW my word? and do you KNOW me?" and to that I answer... I guess not Lord. Because if I really knew the Lord, I'd be free from fear. Because perfect love casts out all fear! and the Lord does not give me a spirit of FEAR but of POWER, LOVE, and a STRONG MIND! God says "you tried to convince yourself before that you trusted me until you forgot to even pursue me wholeheartedly...now we're going to go the long way around so you CAN'T go back."
Well let me tell you, the long way around is not fun. it's not glamorous in any way. it's humbling on a whole new level. it's needed.

...So what's that appointment that I have? I have an appointment with the King...  That appointment gives me strength and endurance. In all my life I have not been able to say that I was consistent in my time with God. Now I can. And with no pride in that statement at all. Because I am nothing without it. I can't make it through a day without talking with my God. Without reading His Word. Without being in his presence. I find myself searching for truth with everything that I am. I want to soak in as much of him as I can... I want to trust him with everything.
I know through HIM, I can be FEARLESS. When he says I'm ready, He'll give me the ability to overcome....I just know it. 

Oh the Fun Fun Times...

With how much I actually enjoy blogging, I don't seem to have the time to write. If you haven't heard, since the last time I wrote Sean and I got engaged! (let the middle school girl squealing begin)

That was back in June and we have had one crazy summer since then. It seems that we are continuing with the season of engagements, weddings, and now babies. It's official that all of my girlfriends (that I've been friends with since at least 6th grade) have kids now. We have had two new additions to our group, one in May and the second just a bout two weeks ago. Let me just say that I am one proud "Auntie Aimee". Each one of these kids are absolutely beautiful and I find myself infatuated with them. ALMOST as much as my very own niece and nephew.
Now of course they all have asked me how soon Sean and I will start having kids to add to the bunch. NOT ANYTIME SOON! haha I am in love with loving on their kids and giving them back. Sean and I have discussed no kids for a couple years and if God decides to bless us with one earlier then we'll obviously be thankful. But for now, we are soaking in this season.

How exciting it is to be getting married! As most people think, wedding planning is the most stressful thing ever. But apparently not for us. We have had very minimal stress since day one. We have greatly enjoyed every moment. Even the difficult ones. When something doesn't go as we'd hoped, we take a step back, re-adjust and try a different option. It has been so wonderful getting to learn how to discuss big life decisions with my future husband. And one thing that I think is the best of all... Sean is very much involved in the planning process! I know SO many couples that the wife says her husband was little to no help at all with planning their wedding. Pretty much the girl runs around like a panicked-everything needs to be perfect-bride and the guy just shows up at the church ready to go.
                   Well, not Sean. We discuss everything. Just about every decision is made by both of us.
                                    Man, am I blessed!

The biggest topic to figure out has been where to live. We have gone through the different options OVER and OVER again. This is the one thing that has brought stress. Do we live in my city or his? Who quits their job?
This is also a topic that some family members don't agree with. We have made our decision of where to live and trusting God with the Job situation and Finances. God has opened a door for us at the apartment complex that we had been impressed with. Right in the midst of one of our rough discussions on where to live, God opened an opportunity. Now I don't know why we had been stressing so much about this. As if we thought God wouldn't lead us in any direction. What little faith we have.

So now, in the midst of our wedding planning excitement, I am packing up to move into our first place!
          Lets just say if you know me at all, you'd know how excited I am about moving into a new space. I LOVE decorating and organizing. I'm so eager to make our space a home before Sean moves here! I just need to make sure I don't get so carried away with organizing that I get behind on wedding responsibilities! hehe

I can almost grantee you that I will post pictures of the new space as I put my flair on it!

For Things to Come...

About two months ago I was sitting at BWW with Sean. He had told me earlier in the week that he had some important things to discuss with me but wanted to wait until I was in town and we could talk face to face. Now, if you know me, you know I started to stress and worry. Like most girls, I wasn't worrying that he was going to "break up" with me. I was more worried that I would be asked to move out to Chicago sooner than I had planned or that we would have to put off "moving forward" with our relationship another year like we've had to do in the past. Never did I think that our serious conversation could be a positive one. If there's one thing I've learned from my many past relationships, it's that sitting down for a "serious" talk usually screams BAND NEWS BEARS! But what was I thinking? This relationship has NEVER been like any of the others.... This one is different indeed.

As we sat down for dinner I couldn't wait any longer. I blurted out "So tell me!" and he laughed cause he knows how impatient I am with things like this. He then started telling me of his band meeting he had earlier that week. This was a big meeting for them because they were discussing their future as a worship band and if they were "all in". He was the only one that couldn't say yes...because of me. When he told me that, I couldn't help but feel happy and sad at the same time. I never want to hold him back from his calling and what he's passionate about and yet I was happy that he was as committed to this relationship as I am. He continued on, explaining to me why he couldn't say he was all in yet. He spoke with his band mates about the difficulties and frustrations with being in a long distance relationship. How hard it's been to balance spending quality time with me, with his friends, with my friends, with his family, with my family, and adding band practices and events on top of that. He's also trying to finish his last two classes for school and trying to figure out his job situation. It's quite exhausting. My heart and prayers have gone out for him. I know its hard for him to balance so much at once. With his conversation at the band meeting and then confirmation with talking with his accountability partner, he decided he was going to move here. Wait what?!? Move out by me?! Did I hear that right?

I tried not to show my excitement too quickly and you know how you always wish that you could think of all of the questions and concerns you have in the moment? This was one time that I could actually set my feelings aside and discuss concerns right then and there. We talked about his commuting for band practices and events. We talked about what that would mean our relationship would look like for the next 8 months. We talked about finances and where we feel God is leading our relationship. I'm sure at this point our waitress was way more than ready for us to stop occupying a large booth on a Friday night. But at the end of all of this we looked at each other with excitement of things to come. Did God really look past my forced prayers of trying to be ok with moving away and trying to be patient with his timing? He knows me far better than that and he knows the desires of my heart. How could I ever think I could convince him that I was ok with what I thought was his plan, when I really wasn't.
I looked at Sean in the eyes and said "I support you 100%". Even though it may mean that I don't get to see him as often as I'd like for the next 6 months. Even though it may mean that I am the main bread winner for the first couple years of our marriage. I don't dare stand in the way of God's great plans for him and for his worship band. The Lord is opening up numerous doors for them and it only looks brighter for them in the future. I feel privileged to stand by and support them. Sean sent a Voxer (a program that turns your phone into a walkie talkie)  message to his band mates saying that we're "All in" and we couldn't help but laugh at the cheers and congrats on the other end. 

And so marks this next season of life. The season where I take a few steps back from ministry to work and to prayerfully support other ministries. The season of "future planning" which may or may not include a wedding in the near future ;). The season of drawing even closer to my God and trusting him to provide in ways that only He could. And just overall the season of exciting events...

I'll be sure to post updates along the way! Oh and boy did I feel foolish for worrying about that conversation... Why don't I ever learn to stop underestimating my God and that he wants to bless me, not harm me?

The Shakes

There's this thing....
It's been a part of me since the day I was born.
It runs in my family except I'm the only living Woman that has it....

It's called a Tremor.
It progresses as I get older and it seems as if lately this is a new discovery for people that I've known for years... so here's some answers to the most common questions I get

Yes, I shake ALL THE TIME.
No I am not on drugs (yes I've been accused of that)
No I do not have Parkinson's
Yes I am fine, I am not having a nervous breakdown
Yes I've had it my whole life - I rarely notice it anymore
No, I'm not cold (haha)
It is worse when - I am going on very little sleep - I've had too much caffeine - I'm stressed out - I work out - I eat unhealthy - I try to hold still


I play it off in most situations that it's not big deal to me at all. When, in fact, some days its the most frustrating thing. When I'm the only one available and someone asks me to take a picture for them....that's the worse. I can't help but be embarrassed when I stand there trying so hard to hold the camera still. I used to love photography. I literally have thousands upon thousands of old photos on my computer. Everyone knew I always had my camera with me; documenting the wonderful blessings of everyday life. My camera can't handle my shaky hands anymore. I need to start doing some research and saving money for a good camera with a GREAT stabilizer. (if anyone has suggestions for a camera, I welcome them with open arms!)

You'd never know that I had to give up my dream job because of this stupid thing. You can't really be a Veterinarian when your hands never stop moving.... So here I sit. At my desk job. I am blessed by where God has placed me. He's providing for me and constantly providing ways for me to pay off old debt. But my passion is not here....This is not the type of job that I want to do the rest of my life. I don't wake up looking forward to what I do. I don't feel as if my gifts are being utilized. We'll see where God leads me...he knows my ideal job. He also knows the path I need to take to get that job and appreciate every minute of it.

Despite my moments of frustration and/ embarrassment, I've learned this is a part of me. God created me this way for a reason. Maybe he knew I would need constant reminders to take care of myself and slow down. Maybe he knew I'd need constant reminders to rely on him for patience. My God's smart like that :) So because I know him, and I know his love for me, and I know he is for me. I choose to accept and embrace my tremor.

So there's my open, honest moment about something that I have no control over. Please people, stop looking at me freaked out when you see/feel my hands shaking. Please stop asking me if I have a problem or disease. God chose this in my deck of cards. He sees it fit that I have it. And it's a part of me. So lets breathe and move forward. I have, now it's time for you!

Sieze the Moment...

This whole week we are supposed to be having unseasonably warm weather! Sometimes I feel as if the Lord just really likes to remind us that HE is the one that controls this earth and especially the way the weather goes! I love that all of the news stations were panicking in the fall saying that this winter would be the worst we'll see and that we better stock up on necessities in case of being trapped in our homes for a few days....well God had decided otherwise now didn't he? Instead of a horrible winter, we had one of the mildest winters in years! Fingers crossed for next year!( I love the snow) So now that God is blessing us with perfect weather a bit early this year, I decided to take advantage of it! I know I signed up for a gym membership but I just can't resist long walks along the river and frequent trips to the nearby forest preserves! So yesterday I decided to rush home from work and take Brayden (my 10-12 yr old Soft Wheaten Terrier) to the river path. We parked at the new greenhouse entrance and made our way down the path about a mile or so and turned back to find a good spot to stop and read for a while before the sun went down.
If you're wondering, I'm still in the process of reading Lioness Arising by Lisa Bevere. I recommend this book to any lady! It's time us women wake up and be the lioness' God intended us to be!!
Anyways, We found the perfect spot! and despite being distracted by people watching on occasion I did read a good portion of my book :)

 You gotta admit, it's a pretty amazing spot to live so close to! And I had a good buddy too! Some people may call me crazy but Brayden is by far one of the best pets I've ever had, he's my little buddy! I love when I can take him with me places. I know that he won't be around anymore a few years from now...so I want to enjoy and spoil him all I can before the day I have to say goodbye. In fact, I'm taking him with me to go fishing this afternoon! One of his favorite things!!

This May Be A Long One...

       It's time to talk about it. Time to sort through what's been going on for a while now.I have had a handful of moments where this has come up in conversation. Conversations that open my eyes as to why this is a struggle for me. Not to just shake me. Not to just push me towards trusting God. But maybe to help someone. Even if it's just one person.
       It started in the spring of 2009. Being a Christian for 10 years at that point, I never thought that my relationship with God could be shaken so much. In fact, I was shaking. Unable to move. Chest heavy. trembling with fear. Fear of what you ask? Everything and nothing all at the same time.
                                                 So started the uncontrollable anxiety attacks....
Everyday I would wake up with an anxiety attack. It would happen multiple times a day at all different levels of severity. I remember my prayers through this season. Deeper, stronger, more intense prayers than I thought I was even capable of. I couldn't watch the news anymore because I would just cry. So much negativity and so little hope for a brighter future. This seemed to be something that triggered the anxiety attacks. Fear of the unknown. My heart would ache because I felt as if there were so many people in turmoil that may not ever have a chance to know God like I did. I know what most people think. When they hear of someone feeling that way towards others all over the world they say, "they must be called to missions!". Well that's the thing. I don't feel that calling. I feel the calling to reach out on behalf of those people. In Prayer.  This was a season to where my prayer life took off like a wildfire. But there was still these extreme anxiety attacks. So extreme that I had lost my appetite and would on occasion throw up because of the stress on my body. I lost a lot of weight and lost confidence in my prayers. I was losing confidence in my faith. My parents considered and discussed with me the option of professional help a handful of times. But each time I said that I'd be ok. Even when I really saw no end in sight to this. I believe that God is our healer and that he would show me what to do with this. I kept feeling him tell me "this is for a reason, just trust me."
               I could go on about the details of this season as there are so many. So many moments of frustration and despair. I'll tell you (and I laugh at it now) I did have a moment of sitting in my car during a storm (in a parking lot, not driving) screaming at God. I was so angry and fed up with everything that was going on with me. I was mad that I wasn't getting answers. I was mad that He hadn't "fixed" me yet. Little did I know that this would be an ongoing issue.
 One day in the fall of 2010 I stopped at Starbucks to catch up with an old student of mine. We sat outside talking about life and where she was heading. I excused myself for a minute to run inside and grab a warm drink when an employee started talking with me. I vaguely knew who he was through other friends and knew he had an amazing relationship with God. He told me he didn't mean to scare me but that as he was cleaning around the tables outside where I was sitting, he had been praying for me. He said that he couldn't stop looking at me because of a vision the Lord gave him of me. (I had earlier noticed him awkwardly staring at me outside and tried to ignore him) He proceeded to go into great detail of what he saw and I stood there bewildered at the story. I won't go into detail of what he said because it's something that is very dear to me. Something that's between God and I. But at the end he said to me that one of the greatest things God wants me to understand is that my prayers are heard, that my prayers were very precious to Him. After over a year of questioning if God was even listening to me... I never told anyone that I felt like I wasn't being heard. That moment wrecked me (and here I am tearing up again at the memory of that moment). After I received my coffee, I thanked the man with a big smile and went I went back outside to finish my conversation with the student. I held it all in as if nothing had just happened but inside I was questioning what just happened. By the time I got in my car to leave I couldn't hold it in any longer. The tears began to stream down my face and all I could whisper was "thank you Daddy". I drove to youth group and proceeded to act as if nothing was wrong (like I had done since this whole thing began). This wasn't something I was ready to share yet. No, this was my moment with my God.
 So here I am three and a half years later. My prayer life could still use some work (as every area of my life haha). And yes, I do still have anxiety attacks. Not near as severe as before, but, still there. Am I discouraged? NO! not at all! Want to know why? Because I finally chose to open my eyes. I needed to see that there is so much uncertainty in this world. I needed to see that God gave me a tender heart for a reason. I need to let my heart break for others and embrace the uncomfortable feeling that it gives me. But most importantly, I needed to see how important I am to God. Not because of what I do or how good I can be, but because I am his. I needed to learn to trust God with the unknown. I still need to do that. I still need to see that. I still have so much more to go. I may have anxiety until the day I die. But I'm ok with that because it not only brings me closer to God, but it PUSHES me closer to him.
As much as we talk about sharing your issues and struggles with others as to not "live life alone" I feel as if we sometimes overlook the beauty in relying on God alone for emotional support. I don't want you to think that I didn't tell anyone about what I was going through, because I did. Only a handful of people knew. But I knew they couldn't help me, I just wanted their prayers.Now, there's this quote that I've seen floating around the internet. It says something along the lines of "Have you prayed about it as much as you've talked about it?" Imagine how we could conquer things if we left our emotional healing to God. I know I plan on continuing to trust God with my emotional trials. Maybe try it next time, trust God with your emotions before consulting your peanut gallery. On my last note, I want to show you the scripture I keep at my desk as a reminder. Surround yourself with Scriptures, never lose sight of the words God gives us.

To Catch Up a Bit...

Well these last two weeks have been quite interesting! Between House sitting in the next town over, being very sick, and getting into a car accident, I'm exhausted. Oh and driving to Gurnee in a snowstorm! I went out to dinner with some amazing friends last night that I rarely get to see and they invited me to a late movie. I had to decline sadly, and I explained to them that I am just so tired. Which if you know me at all, it's a big deal for me to turn down quality time with great friends.

So to back track - I have had a wonderful sinus thing going on for the last two weeks. Thankfully I can see the end in sight! Although I'm pretty sure I've gone through 6 boxes of Puffs Plus.

I have been living out of a suitcase for the last two weeks between visiting Sean, house sitting in Caledonia, and then visiting Sean again. Needless to say I am ecstatic to be in my own bed again. Aside from the MOUNTAIN of clothes pouring out of my closet at this moment. I guess I know what's on my "to-do" list tonight when I get home from work.

And I'm sure you're wondering about my car accident. Well for starters, it wasn't my fault at all. I was on my way back to work from letting the dog out where I was house sitting. I was sitting at a stop light and looked in my rear view mirror and saw a truck coming towards me at full speed. I had no place to go, so I turned my tires to prevent me from getting sandwiched between the truck and the Volvo in front of me. Then the truck hit me at 45 MPH

Yup. There's my old Camry. It's toast. The Cop said I was very smart to turn my tires, otherwise I would have been injured far more than I was. and thank the Lord there is a small curb splitting the different directions of traffic. If it weren't for that curb I would have been pushed into oncoming traffic and most likely hit again. I had the wonderful experience of riding in an ambulance strapped to a back board to be cautionary in case I had a spinal injury. The tape keeping my forehead down was definitely my favorite. Especially when they ripped it off quickly. All in all without boring you with the details of my hospital visit - I have a severe neck sprain and strain. and yes a week later and I'm still very uncomfortable. But I am very thankful to God for keeping me safe!

The day of the accident Sean insisted on coming out to Rockford to take care of me. I'm very grateful that he did and that he took the next day off of work because that night I barely slept at all and the next day I couldn't move much at all. And of course due to lack of sleep I was emotional. Sean put up with me haha. He took care of everything for me, including scolding me several times for trying to get up to cook food. This is why I think he's very special. He looks past my stubborn comments of "I'm fine" and "I can handle it" when I know it's the opposite, and he takes care of my needs. In every relationship I've been in, the guy has always just said "OK" and left me alone. Not seeing past my stubborn side and seeing the real need. God knows very well that I am stubborn. He knows that I try not to be. He also knows that I need someone that sees past that. And for that, I am very thankful.

On the financial side of things. I was stressing out about the accident. I don't have health care. I have minimal insurance. I was worried that since I still hit the car in front of me that somehow they would put some blame on me. It's happened to people I know. But I always tend to forget just how much the Lord loves to take care of his kids. I was not only blessed with more money than what my car was worth (it was a 94 Camry with a LOT of miles on it - not worth a whole lot) but the insurance company is paying for everything including reimbursing me for the days of work that I missed. I was given a beautiful 2012 Ford focus to drive around the last few days and I've already found a new car and am in the process of purchasing it. I will end up with a few hundred dollars left over from just the money from the car to put into savings. In other words, I am ending up being ahead of where I was. I'm sorry Daddy that I doubted you and that I worried about how you would provide for me!
Oh and I've been enjoying the rental car! Thanks to Enterprise for giving me one of the best cars on their lot! because of them I was able to head out to Gurnee to attend a wedding with Sean :)

We didn't stay for too long into the reception but Sean is the best date for weddings! We always have a wonderful time! and Congrats to the Bride and Groom!!

Birthdays...

I can't help but be irritated when people tell me that I shouldn't buy expensive things for other people for their birthday. I've been told that what I want to get Sean is more of a present someone should give at Christmas.
Well correct me if I'm wrong but I thought Christmas was about Jesus' Birth and Birthdays were where you celebrated the person.  So in my mind, people should get nice gifts for their birthday each year when they get a day to be celebrated. Christmas is to celebrate what God has done for us by sending his son.

Sean is apparently not that big on birthdays.
I, however, AM.

I don't know where I get it from since no one else in my family shares the same ideas...but I like the idea that everyone gets one day out of the year to feel extra special. I think it's important to celebrate the miracle of you being you. There is no other you. God made you and planned on you being born on a very special day. So that every year when that day comes by, you can remember just how special you really are.


Sometimes I get really excited about having a family of my own one day... yes, I will be the mom that wakes her kid up for breakfast all excited and goes above and beyond to make sure they know they're special. A card just wont do. I will have fun birthday parties or we'll go on adventures as a family.
It breaks my heart when I learn about people being given just a card and then being left alone the rest of the day. They deserve so much more. They deserve to be shown just how special they really are.

So even though Sean's birthday lands on a Wednesday this year.... I'll just have to be a bit more creative in how I show him just how special he really is. And that includes working hard to get him the one thing he really wants.....

Frustrated Customer...

Lets begin with a bit of frustration I need to get off my chest....
I use a certain bank... a bank that I have been a customer of for at least 5 years or so. I have not been happy with this bank for some time now... probably over half the amount of time I've had an account with them. Yet for some reason I've felt the need to just stick with the same bank, believing the non-sense that there isn't any better bank out there. I have continuously hoped that they would prove me wrong; that they were really better than what they seemed; that they cared about their customers and wanted to be of some help to them. Yet my online bank account is constantly out of order. They don't credit bills that I've paid until almost a week later - in some cases causing me more fines! 
Being someone who is finally able to work my way out of school and past debt (I was out of work for 4 months, had to pay my bills with a credit card and ended up finding a job that I made enough to only make minimum payments on bills for over a year. Now I'm full time at a place that takes very good care of me. All by the hand of God), I can't afford your mess ups - I count on your system to handle my finances the way you promised. You promised me many things when I opened an account with you. You promised that you would handle my checks and finances and any debit charges in a timely manor - now those time frames of which finances are supposed to be processed seem to be stretched farther and father and are preventing me from moving forward in this debt battle. Well, Goodbye. I'm fed up with your changing standards and your unhelpful staff that for some reason think I'm just some person trying to cheat the "system".
Oh I forgot to mention, I started an account at one of your biggest competitors in the area! I wanted to see if they lived up to their "promises" and yeah.... they do. They don't put a hold on my work checks, they keep my online banking account up to date - even the second after I use my debit card - it shows up. They don't repeatedly ask me to re-sign my checks with "AMELIA" cause they actually listened when I explained to them that I have two first names. They made a note on my account so I don't have to deal with that hassle every time I bring in a check. You might want to look at your business standards a little more closely - I think your competitor is going to keep winning over people in this area.

                                 Sincerely,
                                       Previous customer


P.S. I know I'm not 100% innocent with my financial situation - I've made my fair share of mistakes. But really I've made leaps and bounds on my end to be more responsible and plan ahead to make sure bills are paid on time.  But you've added extra delays on that too.... Do I really need to pay my bills over two weeks in advance for you to put my money where it belongs? Shouldn't be that way! It's not like I'm rolling in the money here...

Trying to get the lense to focus...

I'm not going to lie or pretend that I'm on the ball with everything.

I'm not.

 I feel as if I need to be put on ADD medication or something. It's just been so hard to focus on anything! I blame it all on lack of sleep.(even as I've typed the last couple sentences I have stopped and zoned out a handful of times...)

I started looking into prices for a "sleep number" bed last night. I mean this is getting ridiculous. my mattress is very old and I wake up every morning feeling as if I haven't slept in days and my back and neck have been hurting non-stop.
Why a sleep number bed? Well Sean and I talked about wanting one because we both have back pain and want something that we could make perfect for each of us in the long run. I know they're expensive but I feel like in the long run it would pay off. I'm finally going to build the queen size bed that I designed in the spring and my parents said they would buy me a new mattress when it's finished. I offered to pay half if I'm able to get the sleep number bed. I'll be honest, I'm looking forward to sleeping.


It's so hard for me to focus and have to motivation to do anything lately. Before the holidays I was really enjoying learning how to cook better and trying new recipes. I actually put some effort into working out regularly. Now, I feel like such a bum, haha. by the time I get home after work each day I'm just so exhausted! I've been relying on caffeine so much lately which has made me gain back the weight I lost before. When I'm at work I catch myself zoning out a lot. My boss has scared me twice already this week by walking up and talking to my while I'm zoning out.... on the plus side, I got a raise this week! I was so excited!
Crazy thing was that the morning I was thinking about talking to my boss about a raise I was sitting in my kitchen reading my "enjoy the silence" devotional book. I took a few moments when I was done reading to just slowing conversing with God and I was talking to him about how scared I was to even bring up the topic of a raise. I felt him say "just ask, I'll take care of you". I was like really?? It can't be that simple! Sure enough, I took a deep breath, walked into my boss office and mentioned that I was promised a raise after I was fully trained for my job and wondered where he stood with that (I've been here for almost a year and have been fully trained for at least 9 months). He said he'd be happy to give me a raise! He said he thinks I'm doing a GREAT job and he's impressed with how much I do.
So not only was I excited about that but the next day we hired a new receptionist and my boss asked me to give her a few of my responsibilities that get pushed aside when I get busy. So in two days I got a raise and was able to lighten my load at work! Praise the Lord! I just love how he takes care of me! He answers my heart prayers before I even make the effort to speak them out. He knows I've been stressed at work lately, feeling like I didn't have the time to get everything done. I love that he's got my back!

OK Last but not least....I'm just a couple hours away from heading to visit Sean! I've missed him so much these last few weeks! We were so spoiled when we were able to spend almost three weeks straight together. I think it's funny how we plan out our visits. We will sit on skype and make sure our calendars are synced so we know when each other is out of town or has things going on. We'll even plan when we're visiting each other three months in advance lol. I guess that's the process of a relationship that's always been long distance!
Distance really does make the heart grow fonder :)