The Year of ?

This last year has been quite interesting that's for sure. I feel as if this year has been the start of transitions. My ministry at Rockford First has come to an end. I've started transitioning out of Genos (very slowly, knowing that once June hits, I'm done). I have gone from someone that is constantly running with no free time and surrounded by people all the time to working full time and just wanting to be at home. I've been reflecting a lot this last month on how different things are and I've realized why I haven't been "in the mood" to go out late at night with friends like I did last year. For the last 6 years or so I've been heavily involved in ministry. and when I mean heavily involved I mean I led a small group at one church and an entire youth group at another. I was at church every Tuesday night, Wednesday night, Sunday morning, Sunday night, and that's not including the late night hangouts, coffee dates, and lunch/dinners with students. Am I complaining? NO not at all. Best season of my life thus far!!  I would do it all over again in a heartbeat if I had the chance. Being involved in those kids lives meant the world to me and giving up everything I had to do it was worth it to me.
Back to what I was saying.... I think that the reason I haven't had that desire to go out is because this is the first season in a very long time where I feel like I can rest. Now before the Lord always blessed me with the rest I needed; weather it was physical or mental or spiritual. I feel like it's different. I feel like this is the season where God is just saying to me "just relax" and I feel drawn to Him as if He's telling me to just rest in him. this is the season for My walk with God. He wants me to work on my heart right now.... I think it's funny how even during this season of "rest" for my soul I'm still heading up an entire youth group. Genos is going great this year. The things we've already been able to do together has been a huge success and the kids are constantly looking forward to what's coming next! (even though they still look at me like I'm crazy when I announce things we'll be doing in the future) I can see many areas where I'm not "needed" anymore though and I think that God is showing me that I don't need to hold tightly onto it so much anymore.... which makes me sad. But it's reality. I was never the foundation and I CAN be replaced at anytime. I'm just so thankful that the Lord gives me a heads up on the time frame of when I'll be replaced. I just wish he would tell me who is replacing me and if they'll take care of the kids lol but I know he doesn't work that way. And I know no matter who replaces me, these kids will be taken care of. Those kids mean far more to God than they could ever mean to me; in the greatest way possible.

In the midst of transitioning out of ministry completely for a little while I'm just flabbergasted. for the first time in a long time I have no idea where it is that I'm going to end up. I'll be moving to a new area, finding a new job, and getting involving in a different church. When exactly this happens is also unknown. I just know that change is coming. In life, Change is inevitable. Change also gives me anxiety. But by the grace of God I've been learning how to manage anxiety like a pro in the past few years. The thing is, 2012 is the year of Questions. Where will I be living? Where will I be working? Will my small business idea actually work? See amongst all of the questions about ME, i can't help but see that I'm just trying to figure out my own life. Trying to conjure up my own plan. But the reality is, I want  God to have the steering wheel. So what if 2012 is just a year of wondering where my life is going. I choose to let it stay that way until the Great creator of this world chooses to reveal those answers to me. And I'll dedicate this time of not feeding into others in ministry to striving after my Heavenly Father. Maybe it's His plan all along that I have time away from ministry for a while. Maybe my ministry is supposed to be to simply love Him..... Just some thoughts. I am however, very excited for where he leads me. I feel as if something wonderful is just ahead :)

A life of constant projects...

I have been filling all of my free time lately with working on my "projects" half of which are hidden in my bedroom because I don't want anyone seeing them until I'm finished. Well more like all of my projects are hidden. I mentioned in my last post of making my website, well the production of that is on pause until I can get pictures to put up. In other words don't expect to be seeing the premier of the website until after the holidays.

The next couple weeks are jam packed. Running a youth group around this time of the year means absolutely no free time (unless you choose to be distant from your students and pass up a prime time of the year to not only tell them about the Lord but you can really show them who he is). Despite the low amount of time to actually relax, I'm so excited for the next couple of weeks. I love this time of year and the fellowship it brings! (and I LOVE the baking that goes along with the christmas parties)

Oh, I almost forgot! I did finish one project! It's currently hanging on my closet door for a better spot for my long necklaces :)

The Begining of Something Exciting...

I started making a website! After hours of searching for a website provider that wasn't going to charge me monthly fees I finally found one. Now the downside is the fact that unless I pay 15 bucks to transfer the domain name that I already own, I have to use a sub-domain name. Meaning it has the host site's name with my website name. oh well it's a start! and I plan on paying to have the domain name changed once I have everything else set up. I have a feeling with everything going on over the Christmas season, I won't get it done as soon as I'd hoped. But I don't plan on stressing myself out with the unveiling of my project :) It's all in God's timing.

On a side note, i was reminded today through a wonderful video just how much it doesn't matter what I do. God's love trumps all, overcomes all, and blankets all things in my life. And this song brings me to tears every time I hear it. Check it out 

How he Loves: A Song Story

So Starts the Rambling...

Well, I'm 23.....my friends are now not only graduating from college, but they're getting married and having children. This part of my life came all too quickly.

In the last summer alone I attended 6 weddings....

No that doesn't make me feel like I should get married NOW.(The Boyfriend and I have been discussing it seriously for almost a year now anyway, our decision: in God's timing)

What I've really been thinking about lately is....

What am I doing?

What kind of job do I want to do for the rest of my life?

Should I go back to school and get some form of a degree?

Should I continue to be so involved in Youth Ministry after I end up moving towards Chicago?

How am I ever going to get out of debt?

What friendships should I invest more time into and which ones should I let fade out?

I guess I have a lot to figure out...

When it comes the whole what do I want to do for the rest of my life question, I may have a fun idea. Even if it's not something that turns out to be my main income, I'm beginning to love it. <3