For Things to Come...

About two months ago I was sitting at BWW with Sean. He had told me earlier in the week that he had some important things to discuss with me but wanted to wait until I was in town and we could talk face to face. Now, if you know me, you know I started to stress and worry. Like most girls, I wasn't worrying that he was going to "break up" with me. I was more worried that I would be asked to move out to Chicago sooner than I had planned or that we would have to put off "moving forward" with our relationship another year like we've had to do in the past. Never did I think that our serious conversation could be a positive one. If there's one thing I've learned from my many past relationships, it's that sitting down for a "serious" talk usually screams BAND NEWS BEARS! But what was I thinking? This relationship has NEVER been like any of the others.... This one is different indeed.

As we sat down for dinner I couldn't wait any longer. I blurted out "So tell me!" and he laughed cause he knows how impatient I am with things like this. He then started telling me of his band meeting he had earlier that week. This was a big meeting for them because they were discussing their future as a worship band and if they were "all in". He was the only one that couldn't say yes...because of me. When he told me that, I couldn't help but feel happy and sad at the same time. I never want to hold him back from his calling and what he's passionate about and yet I was happy that he was as committed to this relationship as I am. He continued on, explaining to me why he couldn't say he was all in yet. He spoke with his band mates about the difficulties and frustrations with being in a long distance relationship. How hard it's been to balance spending quality time with me, with his friends, with my friends, with his family, with my family, and adding band practices and events on top of that. He's also trying to finish his last two classes for school and trying to figure out his job situation. It's quite exhausting. My heart and prayers have gone out for him. I know its hard for him to balance so much at once. With his conversation at the band meeting and then confirmation with talking with his accountability partner, he decided he was going to move here. Wait what?!? Move out by me?! Did I hear that right?

I tried not to show my excitement too quickly and you know how you always wish that you could think of all of the questions and concerns you have in the moment? This was one time that I could actually set my feelings aside and discuss concerns right then and there. We talked about his commuting for band practices and events. We talked about what that would mean our relationship would look like for the next 8 months. We talked about finances and where we feel God is leading our relationship. I'm sure at this point our waitress was way more than ready for us to stop occupying a large booth on a Friday night. But at the end of all of this we looked at each other with excitement of things to come. Did God really look past my forced prayers of trying to be ok with moving away and trying to be patient with his timing? He knows me far better than that and he knows the desires of my heart. How could I ever think I could convince him that I was ok with what I thought was his plan, when I really wasn't.
I looked at Sean in the eyes and said "I support you 100%". Even though it may mean that I don't get to see him as often as I'd like for the next 6 months. Even though it may mean that I am the main bread winner for the first couple years of our marriage. I don't dare stand in the way of God's great plans for him and for his worship band. The Lord is opening up numerous doors for them and it only looks brighter for them in the future. I feel privileged to stand by and support them. Sean sent a Voxer (a program that turns your phone into a walkie talkie)  message to his band mates saying that we're "All in" and we couldn't help but laugh at the cheers and congrats on the other end. 

And so marks this next season of life. The season where I take a few steps back from ministry to work and to prayerfully support other ministries. The season of "future planning" which may or may not include a wedding in the near future ;). The season of drawing even closer to my God and trusting him to provide in ways that only He could. And just overall the season of exciting events...

I'll be sure to post updates along the way! Oh and boy did I feel foolish for worrying about that conversation... Why don't I ever learn to stop underestimating my God and that he wants to bless me, not harm me?