There's this thing....
It's been a part of me since the day I was born.
It runs in my family except I'm the only living Woman that has it....
It's called a Tremor.
It progresses as I get older and it seems as if lately this is a new discovery for people that I've known for years... so here's some answers to the most common questions I get
Yes, I shake ALL THE TIME.
No I am not on drugs (yes I've been accused of that)
No I do not have Parkinson's
Yes I am fine, I am not having a nervous breakdown
Yes I've had it my whole life - I rarely notice it anymore
No, I'm not cold (haha)
It is worse when - I am going on very little sleep - I've had too much caffeine - I'm stressed out - I work out - I eat unhealthy - I try to hold still
I play it off in most situations that it's not big deal to me at all. When, in fact, some days its the most frustrating thing. When I'm the only one available and someone asks me to take a picture for them....that's the worse. I can't help but be embarrassed when I stand there trying so hard to hold the camera still. I used to love photography. I literally have thousands upon thousands of old photos on my computer. Everyone knew I always had my camera with me; documenting the wonderful blessings of everyday life. My camera can't handle my shaky hands anymore. I need to start doing some research and saving money for a good camera with a GREAT stabilizer. (if anyone has suggestions for a camera, I welcome them with open arms!)
You'd never know that I had to give up my dream job because of this stupid thing. You can't really be a Veterinarian when your hands never stop moving.... So here I sit. At my desk job. I am blessed by where God has placed me. He's providing for me and constantly providing ways for me to pay off old debt. But my passion is not here....This is not the type of job that I want to do the rest of my life. I don't wake up looking forward to what I do. I don't feel as if my gifts are being utilized. We'll see where God leads me...he knows my ideal job. He also knows the path I need to take to get that job and appreciate every minute of it.
Despite my moments of frustration and/ embarrassment, I've learned this is a part of me. God created me this way for a reason. Maybe he knew I would need constant reminders to take care of myself and slow down. Maybe he knew I'd need constant reminders to rely on him for patience. My God's smart like that :) So because I know him, and I know his love for me, and I know he is for me. I choose to accept and embrace my tremor.
So there's my open, honest moment about something that I have no control over. Please people, stop looking at me freaked out when you see/feel my hands shaking. Please stop asking me if I have a problem or disease. God chose this in my deck of cards. He sees it fit that I have it. And it's a part of me. So lets breathe and move forward. I have, now it's time for you!
